Reasons Cats Are Like Boyfriends

The other day I started thinking about how the similarities owning a cat has to relationships. Cats aren't exactly like some piece of furniture or glass bowl you get as a home decorating accessory - they have a life and personality of their own that has to mesh with your own. So, in celebration of Valentine's Day, I present my reasons that cats are like boyfriends.

-Very possessive of "his" toys.
-Takes your possessions and uses them in unexpected ways.
-Very good at hiding your stuff so you can't find it.
-Can be very territorial.
-Fascinated with mechanical things that move.
-Can run around and play in the house too much.
-Hard to get him to sit still for a good photo.
-Always tracking dirt in on the carpet.
-Cuteness hides his primitive interior.
-Can often act like a two-year-old.
-Innocent and childlike, but can be destructive if angered.
-Good at hiding when he's done something bad.
-Always has his feet up on the tables and furniture.
-Can somehow scratch up a nice table or ruin a good chair.
-Never helps out with the housework.
-Never fixes dinner, but always wants what you're eating.
-Prefers meat over vegetables.
-Prefers fast-moving objects on television.
-Usually goes to sleep during a romantic movie.
-Always leaves a mess and covers it up, knowing that you'll find it and clean it up later.
-Frequently wants to kiss at times when he has bad breath.
-Can sometimes produce unpleasant body odors.
-Can be very sensitive about hair loss.
-Often hyperactive and wants to play just when you want to go to sleep.
-Takes up most of the covers and pushes you out of bed as he sleeps.
-Somehow, he'll start out with his head in your lap, but wind up with his butt in your face.
-Can wind up living with you after needing to be rescued.
-Can have a mysterious past you know nothing about when he ends up in your home.
-Acts up when friends visit.
-If allowed to roam, can stay out all night, but usually winds up at your front door in the morning.
-Personal grooming only a priority when he wants it to be.
-Frequently sprawled out, adjusting his privates.
-Communicates in one or two word phrases.
-Shows frequent confusion about or disinterest in what you're saying.
-You never fully understand what he really wants.
-You really don't know what he does all day when you're at work.
-Spends most of the time sleeping on the couch or in a comfy chair.
-Easily distracted by shiny objects.
-Safest in a controlled, indoor environment.
-Periods of cuteness and cuddling make up for his faults.